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Breaking the Cycle (Before it’s all too bad)
Last night I was feeling fairly upset at the situation with my family who I love. I was feeling left out and was reassured this wasn’t the case. I made a fuss and probably spoiled a few peoples...
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It’s the 16th of October
What will happen today? I don’t know I woke up this morning close to my partner. I had nightmares but didn’t talk about them I just said good mornng and got up for a shower. I realize today being...
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3 Days
3 days and I can’t get my head on straight still. My friends still are not visiting and not answering my calls, I haven’t done anything for this to happen. But bad things have been said about me and...
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A Mental Mind Fuck (A story about a guy named John)
I don’t know how long it’s been since I have felt normal (my normal). Feels like way too long. Trying to break free of the evil curse that is most of my life. How would one go around this extensive...
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I Needed Help for depression and I got Some
You probably think what a lame title but this is a tremendous thing and unfortunately amazing. I called the crisis line because I felt I had come to a very boring end full of blandness and lacking...
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The next day on mars (In the ward)
Saturday I figured it was the weekend and I hadn’t seen my Dogs or partner in days. It was better feeling then yesterday I was anxious pretty scared and I needed to get a pass out to go home for a...
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Tuesday? Starting to loose time.
Tuesday I slept in past breakfast, After I woke up a bit late by a nurse I think the Seroquel (Quetiapine) made me sleep in a bit. I woke up and they organized my medication. I am so scared in here all...
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Three weeks out and theres a difference.
Well it’s been about three weeks since my hospital admission. I have written about it in my drafts but not yet published as I’m just holding them till I feel I should post it. I feel better, I think...
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Bad Morning, Confusing afternoon, Now reveiwing
I am not sure how to say this but something set me off thins morning I got in the shower and just felt overweight and hated myself for it, things got blurry after I got changed and ready for the day,I...
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November the hardest month of this year
So this month I have been in agony so no sleep, irritable about to kill the neighbors if they step out of line one more time. They have abused my dogs smashed my car put explosives in the yards of...
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Last day of the year, Let’s try again.
The last month has been difficult for my whole family with many problems we have all had to deal with, Some days I think about every third day I consider ending myself, What stops me? well I have a lot...
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Yesterday and Today
the difference between yesterday and today is huge, If I had been dead yesterday I wouldn’t have studied and got my car licence, If I was Dead yesterday there would have been no one proud of what I had...
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Sleeping problems & depression
I started taking a new tablet to help me sleep because my sleeping pattern is all over the place and not much of it so I kinda feel like a zombie a lot. In a really last ditch effort to sleep with the...
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Less Than 24 Hours Ago – Suicide thoughts -
That’s how fast it came down like a tonne of bricks, I started to worry about the world about everything I realized there was no point to my existence, Am I here to just churn out works occasionally...
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Doctors,doctors and more doctors.
I have had many mris and mre scans? can’t remember. Allergy tests, consultations on brain surgery which always ends up the same – “sorry the aneurysm is to close to the brain stem and we can’t fix it...
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Dumbest thing to do Ever
Say in a sarcastic, Button pushing way ”I was thinking of stabbing you” to your psychologist,.. Just to test the waters!!! If you do it’s more unlikely you would ever actually do it, I would have hoped...
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“You should really think about moving on from dancing!” Part 1
These are the wise words from my psychologist don’t get me wrong he was helpful in almost every other aspect, saying this was just like telling an artist to throw out their brushes and move to playing...
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Idiot of the year or 7 (years)
I have nothing to hide so I am going to share it. I didn’t want to use names but if we all keep quiet about the things in this world like war and personal vendettas. No one will be helped and there...
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No Therapist, No help, Nobody!!!
I don’t swear often but, Fuck I am a total idiot, a fuckwit as they say, What did I do. 4 months ago I screwed up my life beyond Belief. The pain emotionally is worse than I could have ever imagined, I...
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My Mind Has a Sign For Me –‘Enter at Own Risk’
I don’t know why I could guess it’s the day-mares (day nightmares) I’m awake but these terrible thing memories play back in my mind, I worry about affecting the future of myself or others by doing...
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